Triple Bill Mini Musings: Bling, Deja-vu, and Clanging Metal...

The Bling Ring:
What's it about?
Based on a true story. A gang of self-involved, celebrity-obsessed teenage Californian materialists fulfil their narcissistic urges by stalking the Internet to find out which celebs are out of town and then - after Googling their home addresses - robbing them.
Who would I recognise in it?
Emma Watson, Leslie Mann, Taissa Farmiga, Gavin Rossdale, Paris Hilton.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Sofia Coppola was starting to drift into slightly pompous territory with the sedated and meandering likes of Somewhere (melancholy movie star mopes around The Chateau Marmont for 90 minutes), but thankfully The Bling Ring injects a boost of glitzy, glamorous energy. Comment is rarely made in a direct manner, instead Coppola observes her protagonists without explicit judgement. Their actions are clearly wrong; their lives are founded on parental disinterest, prescription pills, and TMZ. The word "love" is reduced to a cheap affectation drizzled over the nearest object that briefly catches their eye, as they lazily chase dreams of reaching grandiose levels of self-worship. There is a bizarre thrill afforded to the wide-eyed raids on the unlocked (!!!) homes of the (absent) rich and famous, and a simultaneous sense of chic-revulsion. As grotesque as these people's lives are (vapid, soul-less, blissfully ignorant), the performances are universally strong and the pacing is brisk. The film is a little lacking in drama, but ultimately it's satisfyingly damning (from a distance) about the vulgarity of celebrity lifestyle obsession gone mad. Good.

Click "READ MORE" below for some Olympus and Optimus...

Olympus Has Fallen:
What's it about?
A decidedly capable Secret Service Agent must save the day after the White House is attacked and occupied by terrorists ... yes, it does sound familiar ... no, it isn't the one with Channing Tatum in it.
Who would I recognise in it?
Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Dylan McDermott, Rick Yune, Morgan Freeman, Melissa Leo, Radha Mitchell.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
It happens from time to time - two very similar movies hitting screens very close to one another - such was the case with Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down, the former being bloody & sweary and the latter being grandiose and PG-13. Between the two, I have to say I enjoyed WHD more - and I also saw it first. OHF tries, but even with it's more aggressive action (blood splats and headshots abound), it doesn't quite hit the mark ... to be fair, there could also be an element of 'concept fatigue' having already seen a very similar film in the shape of White House Down, which opted for brash fun house spectacle (the President firing an RPG from his drifting limo on the White House lawn) rather than furrowed-brow seriousness. It's a decent way to pass a couple of hours when you're in the mood for some Gerard Butler gruffness and some wham-bam action, but if viewed second behind WHD it's likely to fade in your mind swiftly after the credits have rolled. Alright.

Transformers: Age of Extinction:
What's it about?
Michael Bay storms his way to his very own Scrooge McDuck money pool in a giant vault as he dishes out yet another serving of Autobots, Decepticons et al bashing seven shades of motor oil out of each other. Mankind has turned on the machines, Autobot and Decepticon alike, after the chaos of #3's exhausting Chicago-set climax - but an extremely buff inventor/single dad stumbles upon the wrecked remnants of Optimus Prime, brings him back to life, and gets swallowed up in an international explosion-fest, as the CIA and private military contractors try to kill him and his family.
Who would I recognise in it?
Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Jack Reynor, T.J. Miller, Kelsey Grammer, Nicolas Peltz, Titus Welliver, Sophia Myles, James Bachman, Thomas Lennon.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Like the last two movies before this, Age of Extinction is overblown, overlong, and generally messy. There are a few interesting ideas hinted at in the script (going as far as genocide), but the shaky cameras, drooled-over sports cars, and thunderingly intrusive product placement (Gucci, Budweiser, and - weirdly - Victoria's Secret being just a few) make this more of the same. Furthermore, if you thought you were going to get a whole movie of Prime riding around on a Dinobot then you're going to be cheesed off as said Dinobots (one of the few intriguing aspects going into this flick) are shafted until the last twenty minutes.

High on gloss, low on brains, and with a cynical location change for the final third (to cash in on that lucrative Chinese market), in many ways AoE represents the worst aspects of the blockbuster. Many of the human characters are an after thought, and the most entertaining one - the comedic relief - is dispatched in a strangely gruesome manner. It's more of the same, basically - so your pre-existing opinion is likely to remain intact. I enjoyed the first movie (admittedly I was never into Transformers in the 80s as Ghostbusters was my obsession), which balanced 'good' and 'bad' blockbuster elements fairly well - but the sequels have become increasingly non-sensical, overlong, and cynical. No doubt a fifth entry is inevitable - but, save for a change of the franchise's direction, I think I'll be checking out of the series now. Despite its many flaws, what it does provide is glossy brain-off car-nage porn. Alright.